Last night I had a hard time sleeping. And I had a hard time being awake before that. In fact, it was a hard day. I gave myself the day off since I was feeling down in a way that needed to be addressed. I drove out to the gardens since we do not have a beach nearby. It was a gorgeous day. That is always good for a soul, to enjoy the day and all. Still, the day ended badly. My unhappiness: to be here alone, to be single, to be away from my friends and family, to not understand. Temptation was with me. I was not alert like the Bible tells us to be. I did not resist. I just gave in to unhappiness and self pity. I imagined all sorts of ways my life could be better. So, I woke up unrested for my clinic day, obviously not looking forward to going. One of my temptations these days in such times is to forget to call out to God- that He is merciful and compassionate and here to help me. Generous and more than enough no matter how trivial my problems may seem. He knows. Just as He Himself suffered when He was tempted, He also is able to help those who are being tempted (Hebrews 2:18).
In my desperation, I decided to read in some Corrie ten Boom. Which one this time? I grabbed Tramp for the Lord and opened exactly to the title of one her writings. The Title of the reading: When You are Tempted to Quit. I did not remember this one. So, I read on.
She talks of the enemy's persistance in attempting to discourage us. She says it is often not the big things that cause her to grow weary, but the number of small things that add up. She tells of a time she almost quit her work to the Lord because of a series of inconveniences. The final straw? No desk in her room.
She says how self pity sank in. She fell straight for it. I love to hear of the thoughts that filled her mind. The pattern of question sounds so familiar to me when I am tempted. They are the questions that give seed to doubt. Hers: "Why must you always live out of your suitcases? Stay at home and then you won't have trouble with customs officials, passports, luggage, plane connections, and other things. Every night you can sleep in the same bed, and there are no earthquakes in Holland. After all, you are no longer young. You've lived like a tramp for many years. Let someone else do the work. You've earned your reward ...Everyone will understand!" She was over 80 years old. Who wouldn't agree with her desire to rest? So, what does Corrie do? She wrote a letter to a friend telling of her retiring. She says that she is tired of traveling. She needs a desk- a big one- in front of a window in her room and an easy chair- a very easy one- on the right... She had it all planned out.
Fortunately she asked the Lord what He thought about all this? So, she picked up her Bible. She opened to Romans 10. It talks of the people needing a preacher to hear the His words so they can believe. That happened to be her job- preaching to give His word that others may believe. She thought for a bit. She remembered it is not our job to give God instructions, but to report for duty. So, she wrote her friend again. She wrote: "Forget that last letter I wrote. I am not coming home to Holland. I refuse to spend the rest of my life in a pasture when there are so many fields to harvest. I hope to die in harness." ... What a lady.
Once again, God uses the Dutch watchmaker who died when I was three and I have not met, to inspire me to continue in His ways that are opposite to the ways of the world I live in. Sometimes there is not a person who can help us to make sense of His leading when it makes no sense to us. After all, who can understand the mind of the Lord? (Isaiah 40:13) But, thank you God for Corrie ten Boom. Thank you for each other. Thank you for your Holy Spirit who helps us and guides us. The Comforter. Thank you that when we don't know or understand you lead us still (Proverbs 3:5,6).
Blessed is the man who endures temptation; for when he has been proved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love him. James 1:12
Now thanks be to God who ALWAYS leads us in triumph in Christ, and through us diffuses the fragrance of His knowledge in every place. 2 Corinthians 2:14
Happy 4th of July, Sis!
13 years ago
2 comments:
Mmm, want to write more, but how cool what you wrote. One of my biggest "construction sites" lately has been that of the unknown. Proverbs 3 is clicking in that in order for us to trust the Lord, we must let go of understanding. Those things that we just don't get and really want to understand, that wear us out and take our energy and cause us worry--well, who said we need to get it anyway? In fact, God says not to try to understand, but the correct choice is trust. Did I already talk with you about this over break?
So, the circumstances that are really weighing on me b/c I JUST NEED TO KNOW something, I can offer to Him as an opportunity and occasion to trust Him rather than demanding some communication or insight when He prefers to be the One to know and not let me in on everything.
There's freedom in this thinking. And I know whatcha mean about Corrie. You're the one that introduced me to her, at least all her writings, but I often consider her a mentor though I've never met her.
Ash, the Lord be with you! Rest in His understanding, that He knows and has it all figured out, that you don't have to. Stand firm. Your strength is not small bug abundant and available.
Ich liebe dich!
It's been that kind of week for me (year actually). Nice to read this, though I'm still in the hole, so to speak. I know what you mean about calling on the Lord. It's actually not that I forget, but sometimes it just seems harder. But it's the way of escape, the way to Help and life.
YES when you resist, Ash. Thanks for the encouragement. Be strong, and let your hear take courage, all you who wait for the LORD. Ps 31:24
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