Please Send Someone Else

I can't help but wonder how often our worship might not be honest, how about you? Somewhere inside of me I do want to be, but then there is the part that doesn't. I realize that worshiping (whether through singing, praying or reading Scripture) means to aim our hearts where we want it to go, away from it's natural selfish, ungodly state unto the One who is worthy of praise and our allegiance. Still, can you imagine what worship songs might sound like if we sang what we actually want sometimes... I want comfort. I want my way not Your way. It's been long enough. I gave You your shot. I'd rather stay in bed than enter Your presence. One more Downton Abbey and just another piece of chocolate... Anyway, I've been thinking about that lately. Then last night I was comforted by a man I can relate to... Moses.

He had already thrown out a handful of excuses to the Lord every time God spoke to Him what he was to do and what would happen... Who am I to do what You are saying I am to do? What if they ask me questions I don't know the answer to? What if they don't believe me? I am not good at talking to people. Then, my favorite... Please send someone else. His actual words are, "Pardon your servant, Lord. Please send someone else." I guess I shouldn't take too much comfort in this meaning as the Lord's anger burned against Moses after his response. But, it does comfort me that the man God chose to lead His people out of bondage to the Promised Land is someone I can relate to.

I enjoyed so much last year studying the life of Moses and how even though he was chosen by God to lead His people it took many years for him to become the man He called him to be. I also read about how the people didn't listen to Moses even though God sent him to free them because they were discouraged and because of their harsh circumstances. In fact, I myself was discouraged before I began reading last night. I really didn't want to read but needed something to soften my heart to Him. So, I prayed for myself and all of us that we would not miss what God is saying to us because of discouragement or our cirumstances. I prayed for encouragement and willing hearts.

I am sure someone who is a good writer or eloquent speaker could have done a marvelous job at putting together a great post or talk from these thoughts running through my mind. Even though I didn't quite get there, I did want to share with you. How thankful I am for the Spirit of Jesus to awaken our hearts turning us away from complacency and rebellion toward Himself, the Worthy One, to do His will and hopefully respond like Isaiah, "Here I am, Lord. Send me!"

Not I, But Christ

Yesterday on my way home from church I stopped at the library to pick up a couple of books I had reserved since I was "in town" and all. Even though I have read it a number of times before, I checked out Corrie Ten Boom's "Not I, But Christ." Reading yesterday I was so comforted from her quote from an anonmyous source:

Cowardly, wayward, and weak I change with the changing sky

Today so eager and strong Tomorrow not caring to try,

But He never gives in, And we two shall win

Jeus and I.

I am glad to remember I am not the only one who can be so passionate and devoted one moment to the One who is worthy and in the same day be so "ugly" and selfish and rebellious. Works in progress until we reach home. Thankful for those to walk alongside, most especially you, and your patience with me.