A Praying Midwife

She has a history of a short labor for her firstborn. She is contracting well. All seems well. I am expecting a large baby... a very large baby. My concerns were overruled by those more experienced. We labor together. Progress does not come as quickly as I expect. She is coping well. Baby is healthy. We work hard to make progress. No progress. It comes time to transfer. Transferring is a long process and the future, of course, is always unknown. I find one of her support people challenging and unhelpful... just saying. I believe the baby turned in the process of transporting due to the progress she began to make over the next few hours. I am hopeful for her. She has a chance for a natural birth still, in her midwife's opinion (that would be me). She makes very good progress, but unfortunately she has lost her will to fight. She decided to get an epidural and tells me she is sorry. I assure her she does not need to apologize. I do try to encourage her to continue forward without drugs since it was her desire and it does appear to be do-able. I don't always do this in a transfer. In fact, sometimes I make the suggestion. But, in her case it was reasonable. She refuses to find strength. Her contractions are somewhat maneageable still and such good progress- oh, I wish she would strenghten herself! As expected, things slow down after the procedure. I head off to nap for a couple of hours- it is the middle of the night and I have to be in the office the next morning. I am called two hours later by her husband to inform me she is ready to begin pushing. I sped to the hospital since her last birth was a short second stage. It was a beautiful dawn over the city as I drove to Shands. Out of breath, I arrived to be informed that she is laboring down and not actively pushing. Her medication is wearing off a bit. She spontaneously pushes with contractions. She starts asking for a cesarean... begging for one. She gave up all will to persevere at this point. Oh, woman, we are not called to be able. He does that for us. Just to not give up. It will happen. She is not a believer. I am tired. I just pray. I am doubtful for a vaginal birth at this point. With odds somewhat against her (suspected large baby), she has to at least want it. The hospital is busy. They give her more medication and the hours go by. Me at her side. Giving her "icee" :). Wiping her forehead. Telling her she is doing good and her baby will be worth it. Inside, I am frustrated. I am seldom frustrated at births. I am not frustrated that she felt like giving up. That is normal and a common emotinal landmark that the end is near. I am frustrated because she made the decision to give up instead of to persevere. So, I pray. I pray for a woman who doesn't pray. I pray instead of her and on behalf of her. Not for a vaginal birth. It is past that. I pray for her soul. I pray that He will reveal Himself to her. I thank Him for the opportunity to serve her and show her mercy. I pray for this family. I pray that His will be done and that He be glorified. I pray for His mercy. I yielded to His goodness and knowlege and sovereignty. The doctors finally came in to recommend a cesarean. I spoke up quickly that she was ready. She had given up four hours before- four hours of me standing by her side even though she wasn't trying anymore). I gave her a hug and kiss and told her that she was in good hands and I couldn't wait to meet her little one. 11 lbs 14 oz! We had a baby that same size the couple of weeks before... excpept that mother made progress. I am glad I know better than the temporary. I am glad He is the Redeemer. Off to work in the office for a few hours. So very glad for the weekend off call to ready myself for my "long week" ahead.

Surfer Girls... Not So Much

Tonight one of my roomates told me that she is going surfing for the first time this coming weekend. This brought up the story of my own first time surfing. And so I won't forget it in the future, I decided I would write it down on bloggie for you... and for me:). Hopefully my memory doesn't fail me 12 years later... So, I had been wanting to go surfing but did not necessarily want our friends to know. Most of the guys at church surfed and that wasn't what it was about to me. It just sounded like fun. I love being on top of the water. Plus, we used to enjoy wakeboarding with Sarah. Surfing seemed like it would be wonderful. Not to mention, I was up for the adventure of it all. To my pleasant surprise, Sarah told me she had been wanting to go too when I saw her out at Gangee's one Sunday afternoon. Sweet! So, we made plans (hush, hush) to try it out the next week. Just her and myself. (You were in France in case you are wondering). First, I checked the weather report. I wasn't sure what I was listening out for, but from my deep sea fishing experience the waves didn't sound like they might even be good enough to surf. Still, we were determined. Yeah, we will still give it a try. (I did not take into consideration that small seas for fishing are large waves for surfing) Next, we both needed a board. I could have asked to borrow one, but no one was supposed to know about this. We decided to rent one each from McKevlins for a couple of hours ($10 per hour). We were excited. Good old adventure with Sarah just like back in the days! Yeah! So, we start driving. Man, the beach is PACKED. Can't go there- Becca goes to lay out there. Can't go there- that's where all the Calvary crowd hangs out. Oh, we're at the washout- definately not going there. Well, we can go to 10th if we need to... Oh, Becca probably won't be there... what are the chances? We agreed. Fourth street it is. What do you know? Rebecca was there and so were about 50 other people. Oh well. It will be fine. We chat with Becca and then head to the waves with our boards. On the way to the waves, I realize I don't know what to do. Like, I don't even know what to do at all. I remember walking out there and realizing I didn't know what to do. I remember thinking Sarah would probably be surprised when I told her I didn't know what to do. I also felt sheepish being the older of the two. But, what else was there to do except tell her? Through somewhat of a mumble I told her, "I don't know what to do." It felt good to just let her know even if I did feel dumb. To my surprise/horror she mumbled, "yeah, me neither." What? Sarah, the athlete/amazing wakeboarder! NOT. GOOD. That was NOT what I was expecting her to say. Did I mention EVERYONE on the beach including Rebecca were watching us. What? Never seen a girl surf before? But, we did what I think is good advice for anyone who finds themselves in a spot where they don't know what to do but have all the right equipment. We walkded forward. I remember Sarah saying something like, "I know you have to paddle." We did know you had to get in the water:). That helped. Once we were in the water, I did not feel quite so desperate. We put our leashes on. We walked next to our board and then got on and started paddling. That really helped. Even though I had no idea what I was doing, I was doing it. I don't remember how we decided where to turn around... fear? curiosity? wanting to get this whole experience over with? Not that it matters what everyone was thinking, but at least we probably looked like we knew what we were doing at this point. That didn't last long:). Mostly we walked back down the beach with our longboards (which were much bigger than both of us). Did I say it was WINDY? I just remember laughing and struggling to carry that board OVER and OVER down the beach and then missing waves and starting over. Rob eventually came and he helped Sarah catch waves. We had a good time and mostly a good laugh. I have to say I do think of that story often. I remember not knowing what to do at all. I remember everyone watching. And, I remember figuring it out as we just did what we knew to do and the rest came to us as we went. Little did I know how much ahead in life I had of not knowing what to do and figuring it out as I go along. I love the lesson of that day and the life application. I especially love the memory and that it was with Sarah. Should have known! Maybe we looked silly to others. Maybe we weren't so successful with the waves. But, Sarah and I will always remember the day we went surfing!

Following the Leader

You're blessed when you stay on course walking steadily on the road revealed by God. You're blessed when you follow his directions, doing your best to find him. That's right- you don't go off on your own; you walk straight along the road he set. You, God, prescribed the right way to live; now you expect us to live it. Oh, that my steps might be steady, keeping to the course you set; Then I'd never have any regrets in comparing my life with your counsel. I thank you for speaking straight from your heart; I learn the pattern of your righteous ways. I'm going to do what you tell me to do; don't ever walk off and leave me...

Don't let me miss the road signs you've posted... I ponder every morsel of wisdom from you, I attentively watch how you've done it. I relish everything you've told me of life, I won't forget a word of it... Be generous with me and I'll live a full life; not for a minute will I take my eyes off your road. Open my eyes so I can see what you show me of your miracle-wonders...

Barricade the road that goes Nowhere; grace me with your clear revelation. I choose the true road that goes Somewhere. I post your road signs at every curve and corner. I grasp and cling to whatever you tell me; God, don't let me down! I'll run the course you lay out for me if you'll just show me how ...

God, teach me lessons for living so I can stay the course. Give me insight so I can do what you tell me- my whole life one long, obedient response. Guide me down the road of your commandments; I love traveling this freeway! Give me a bent for your words of wisdom, and not for piling up loot. Divert my eyes from toys and trinkets, invigorate me on the pilgrim way. Affirm Your promises to me- promises made to all who fear you...

Let your love, God, shape my life with salvation, exactly as your promised, then I;ll be able to stand up to mockery because I trusted your Word. Don't ever deprive me of truth, not ever- Your commandments are what I depend on...

Because You have satisfied me, God, I promise to do everything You say. I beg You from the bottom of my heart: smile, be gracious to me just as You promised...

Train me in good common sense; I'm thoroughly committed to living your way... You are good, and the source of good; train me in your goodness. The godless spread lies about me; but I focus my attention on what you are saying...

With Your very own hands You formed me, now breathe your wisdom over me so I can understand You... I can see now, God, that your decisions are right; your testing has taught me what's true and right... Oh, love me- and right now!- hold me tight! just the way you promised...

Save me! I'm all yours. I look high and low for your words of wisdom...

By your words I can see where I'm going; they throw me a beam of light on my dark path... I concentrate on doing exactly what you say- I always have and always will.

Get out of my life, evildoers, so I can keep my God's commands.

I am your servant- help me understand what that means, the inner meaning of your instructions. It's time to act, God; they've made a shambles of your revelation!

Break open your words, let the shine out, let ordinary people see the meaning.

Turn my way, look kindly on me, as you always do to those who personally love you. Steady my steps with your Word of promise so nothing malign gets the better of me. Rescue me from the grip of bad men and women so I can live life your way. Smile on me, your servant; teach me the right way to live...

You are right and you do right, God, your decisions are right on target. You rightly instruct us in how to live ever faithful to you... The way you tell me to live is always right; help me understand it so I can live it to the fullest.

I call out at the top of my lungs, "God! Answer! I'll do whatever you say." I called to you, "Save me so I can carry out all your instructions."

I wait expectantly for your salvation; God, I do what you tell me. My soul guards and keeps all your instructions- oh, how much I love them!

Let my cry come right into your presence, God; provide me with the insight that comes only from your Word... Give my request Your personal attention, rescue me on the terms of Your promise.

Put your hand on me and steady me since I've chosen to live by your counsel.

And should I wander off like a lost sheep- seek me! I'll recognize the sound of your voice.

~ Taken from Psalm 119

Whole lotta favorites

I would have loved to have written a post from each day of my trip home last week to remember it by. There were so many good times, laughs, and the little things I don't want to forget. But, I don't have time for all that. So, this will have to do. (This would be a REALLY good time for blogger to correct the problematic space issue). It was good to be in our home. I enjoyed that so much. Thanks for the palmetto rose. Rollerblading at Hampton (even if there were three CARS DRIVING in the closed park). Walks in the neighborhood and to Hampton and the Citadel with you. Jason's dock party. Kayaking out to Dougie's and waving. Running into Frederick at the Pig. St. Andrews. Beaufort stew with the family at Frederick's for Labor Day (and Gangee bringing her guests). Dougie telling me that he waved back:). Salads with you and Gangee at her house for lunch- my first time not having rice and gravy. Beautiful beach time at the county park at Kiawah. Getting the free tide chart. Picnic at the park in sundresses with Laura. Going to YPM with you and Melantha's visit to say hello. Picking up lunch to eat with Mom and Dad at the house while Dad's back was hurt. Errands with Mom. Trip to the lighthouse with you. Worship Wed p.m. at St. A- so powerful as usual. Panera with Grace, Susie, Mom and Grace saying "Ashley!" and running into my arms when she saw me. Crabbing at the dock and listening to beach music with Sarah and then meeting Mom and Dad at Athens. Soaking prayer. Trader Joe's, baby!! Eating Trader Joes:) Taking Trader Joe's back to Florida with me:) Having Laura over for lunch- fish tacos and kale salad. Trip to the market to pick out Holden's birthday present and visit with market friends. Wadmalaw with Grace and Nicholas (walking to the barn, Grace singing in her room, Superman with Nicholas). Breakfast on the porch- scones and mango/papaya salad. Getting rained on, I mean soaked, at the park with the others from YPM. Holden's birthday party. Our delicious indoor picnic meal and watching the Help. Prophetic appointments. And, one last walk downtown. I'm leaving stuff out, but it was good. It was fun. And just so we don't forget... We were both in your bathroom to brush our teeth, being very quiet not to wake Andrea. Problem is, I didn't have a toothbrush so I was using your listerine and flossing. We were doing a good job being quiet, in my opinion. I had just taken a swish and stood back to let you go ahead of me. It was your bathroom, after all. Not a couple seconds passed when with wide eyes I pushed you out the way to relieve myself of the pain. I loudly whispered "I'm so sorry but it was hot as blazes!" We were quietly laughing so hard. Wish we could have gotten that one on video. Definately could have won us a million on America's Funniest, don't you think?

Disclaimer

You may have noticed my blog is a bit out of sorts. For example, even though I do what I have always done, blogger will not allow me to leave spaces between paragraphs. As you may imagine, that really bothers me. Hoping they may fix that. In the meantime, my apologies on behalf of blogger.

Source of Life

We have been taught over the years that Jesus is the source of Life. When we are weary, we can and should turn to Him who will refresh us. When we are weak, He is strong. When we are empty, we are perfectly prepared to be filled with His life. I am so thankful to belong to a God whose promises are solid and reliable. It is my greatest treasure to take Him at His word and find that He does what He says He will. A few weeks ago I was so tired. I was truly worn out by the demands of being a midwife. Not to mention, I had not had a day of rest. The day that would have been my day of rest I was on call. I received news that I did have someone in labor and I would be up during the night. Overwhelming is an understatement. I was so worn out. The thought of enterring what I expected to be a demanding birth (and it was) was too much. There really was nothing to do but to accept the situation. Not wanting it or resenting it only makes it worse. That will zap the energy right out of a person. Well, the neatest thing happened. I had a couple of appointments with a couple of our moms. Then, I came home. I remembered good advice of a couple of different friends over the years. Our rest does not come from sleep. It comes from spending time with each other and with Him. So, I spent some time reading in the Bible receiving the hope we have in Him. Then, I rested on the couch listening to some music. I did go in. It was a long night. It was demanding. But, he provided me with the rest I did not get from a lazy Sunday. He gave me from what I did not have. I was as rested from a couple of hours as I should have been from a day. He continued to lead me into encouragement from His word throughout the week. Instead of being a terrible day, it was a good day. And, I trust He ministered through me much more than had I been full of strength since His power is made perfect in weakness. I never have to know or see it. I just rest in knowing that about Him and it is in His hands.

Life

Last night I was flipping through the Message and came to the introduction for Ecclesiastes. I appreciated the words of description and thought them good to share. So, here goes... "Unlike the animals, who seem quite content to simply be themselves, we humans are always looking for ways to be more than or other than what we find ourselves to be. We explore the countryside for excitement, search our souls for meaning, shop the world for pleasure. We try this. Then we try that. The usual fields of endeavor are money, sex, power, adventure, and knowledge. Everything we try is so promising at first! But nothing ever seems to amount to very much. We intensify our efforts- but the harder we work at it, the less we get out of it... But it is most emphatically and necessarily in the Bible in order to call a halt to our various and futile attempts to make something of our lives, so that we can give our full attention to God- who God is and what he does to make something of us... {The author's} task is to expose our total incapacity to find the meaning and completion of our lives on our own... Ecclesiastes sweeps our souls clean of all "lifestyle" spiritualities so that we can be ready for God's visitation revealed in Jesus Christ..." ~ The Message Nothing new to you, but it is articulated well, don't you think? We are known by One who accepts us as we are. We are loved just because we are His. He knows the plans He has for us, good and prosperous plans of a hope and future. Our times are in His hands.

Because I had nothing to do...

Boy, am I glad to be off call!! A very busy weekend with no babies. I did pack up a bag of food to take in to BC with me a couple of times just in case I got stuck there the whole weekend. The second day I took a frozen bean burrito out of the freezer so I could have something "real." Since it had been thawing I realized I needed to eat that for supper tonight. My mind started formulating a nice meal. Bean burrito, Trader Joe's colorful tortilla chips, homemade guacamole, and fresh carrots. Well, the avocado was not ripe afterall so no guac:(. Being off call, I decided I would finally try the Guiness Extra Stout that Kendra had let me have off her stash when I last visited Gainesville. She didn't care for them. You know me, not a beer drinker. But, I do enjoy tasting free samples here and there and my favorite beer so far was a Murphy's Stout- the one Robbie got at Moon River last year that I tasted. So, I figured I would just waste it if it is no good. So, I decided to capture the experience on camera. Sorry for the poor lighting. It is my phone camera which does a decent job with good lighting. This was before... Obviously during... Okay, so my first reaction was "wow, EXTRA is right." I had a few more sips though. It's alright. I like the regular stout better than the extra, but hey, it was free. Yeah, still not a beer drinker. And, that's okay with me:).