A Nice Day

Joanna and I have enjoyed taking walks together around the neighborhood these days. I still go on plenty alone, but it is so nice to have the company. Last night we enjoyed a long walk around our beautiful neighborhood in the cool of the day. Birds were singing. Water was glistening. It was lovely. Then, we got back home and we were locked out. The worst part is on our way out the door Joanna asked if we should bring our keys. I said no because Lauren was home and saw us walk out the door. Plus, my car was blocking hers in so she couldn't get out anyway. Worst part after that, we laughed. Come to find out her brother had picked her up to go to dinner with her. Bummer for us. So, fastforward to our discovery. I went around back just in case the back door was unlocked. No luck. Darn. I asked Jo if we could get into a window. She explained the windows are designed to only open from the inside. She had the garage door openener in her car, but it was in her locked car. We did not have our phones with us either. So, we walked across the street to our neighbor's house (the one you met when you were locked out of our house!). He let us use his phone. She didn't know Lauren's number, but instead called Kurt (another mutual friend) to call Lauren to see if she could unlock the door. And, we wait. We were pretty tired since we enjoyed such a long walk. We were also hungry. I had been planning on making homemade nuggets, waffle fries, and peanut butter caramel chocolate chip cookies. I know, sounds unhealthy, right? I was ready to splurge plus I planned to bake the nuggets and fries. Anyway, back to my story... we were sitting on the driveway. One of our new neighbors walked by with his dog and asked if we were okay. We said yes and explained we were locked out. He offered us chairs, but we were declined. We were sitting for a while trying to make the most of the situation. But, we both knew Kurt might not be able to get Lauren and if he did, she might be in the middle of dinner. We might be waiting a while. We walked to the pond and back. I realized I had not prayed for help, so I silently presented a short plea for help. We approach our driveway. Joanna asked me if any of my windows are open. No. Then, she said she thinks their bathroom window is open! We walked around and sure enough it was!! She broke the screen so we had access. We lifted the window up. Our plan was that she would hoist me up and I would climb in. I was thinking this may not be a good idea because the bathtub is below. But, we weren't going to sit around all night. I stepped into her hands and she lifted me up. I was midair attempting to situate myself on the windowsill from the outside, when we heard a man's voice. We were both expecting to see our neighbor when we looked up and there was KURT!!! Just in the nick of time! He had driven out to meet Lauren to pick up her keys so he could let us in. What a good friend! He was glad to rescue us and we were glad to be rescued! What a wonderful answer to prayer. He always makes a way... Kurt ended up going home to take a shower and pick up some chili he had made to bring back over to hang out. I made my nuggets, fries, and cookies and enjoyed them. When we couldn't see a way for our problem to be fixed, God sent Kurt to our rescue!

Tennis, Anyone?

Yeah, so I don't like the subject but just not coming up with anything else. This morning when I woke up it was raining out. On the one hand, it was so nice to listen to as I laid in the bed. On the other hand, I was supposed to be playing tennis an hour and a half later. Shortly after it stopped and the sun came out. Mmmm... would the courts be dry though? We decided to just give it a shot.

I was the first to get there and the only reason we got a court was because it was full of puddles. The courts have a clever method of drying the puddles. Perhaps it is common among tennis courts. But, I have never seen them. They are carpet pieces connected to a rope that you just pull over the puddles. My first suspicion when I used one, was "oh, come on, like this is really gonna work!" I am very happy to be proven wrong on this one. We were able to spread the water enough not to ruin the balls. Over the course of our play the wind and the sun did the rest.

We enjoyed ourselves as usual. Then, something neat happened. Side note: the park consists of several tennis courts, two baseball fields, a skateboard rink, and a playground. Some super cute children were learning baseball next to us. But, apparantly there was a "real" baseball game playing as well. Next thing we know, the star spangled banner begins. And, EVERYONE with the pee wee game, onlookers, tennis courts, and baseball field all stopped what we were doing and turned toward the flag and gave our attention until it was finished and told us to play ball:). (the skaters were the only ones missing out). I took it in, knowing one day we may not have the national anthem sung. I realized what a joy it would be to be able to hear it playing. I listened like one who had been deprived though I have not. And, it was good. I was glad for our freedom... the land of the free... and I prayed along with the words... the home of the brave. May it be so.

We finished up our tennis. Then, Robby and Gisella invited me to lunch at Two Dudes. I ordered a mango crab quesedilla and yes, it was delicious. We spent the time in conversation. They suggested setting me up with someone. I informed them I did not want to live in Florida. Later in conversation we decided it would be fun to have a gullah night and paint ourselves black and attempt speaking in gullah. Okay, so that was my idea, but they liked it. I told Robby he had to check out the clip on Meet Joe Black where Brad Pitt busts out in perfect gullah. We finished up and on the way out Gisella (originally from Germany) asked for a to-go cup for her beer so Robby could take it home. We informed her that you can't actually do that. Then, Robby joked to the waitress, "Oh, you can just stick it in the fridge. We'll be back in a few days." (They are regulars). It was a nice morning. Thankful for them.

New Mercies

It was one of those mornings that you just don't want to start the day... because the day before was one of those days you don't want to leave your home to come back to Florida. I was already wanting to be back in Charleston before I even left this time. It was a comfort to know I am coming to a good home and to loving friends and a job that I love. But, still the ache is just there and the thoughts, "is this really how I want to be spending my life? Will I regret being away so much? That is really what I want..."

So, I was so very glad to have brought one of my Corrie books back with me. I opened this morning to just the message I needed. I read the story she tells of Zonneduin. It is the home that her sis had a vision was to be opened after the war. It would be a place for healing to those who were darkened from the harsh conditions of the concentration camp. The home was part of the revelation, at least. The other part was that they were to go all over the world telling of God's love despite the deepest darkness and how his forgiveness is without limits. What a blessing that house must have been to Corrie- the fruit of her dear sister's vision, LIFE after cruelty, beauty, and a home for herself. She describes a room of her own with her pictures, paintings, and books on the bookshelf.

A girl whom Corrie was telling about the home asked her why she didn't stay there when she liked it so much. She was quiet for a moment to listen to the song of a nightingale. Then, she answered, " My life doesn't belong to me. I must follow where the Lord leads. I was bought at a high price and must be obedient to the One who purchased me." The girl commented that seemed an awfully costly way to life. Corrie agreed that it is, but that is more costly to disobey. She goes on to think of those around the world who need the message. She remembers that she is weak and only effective connected to the Vine... Not good if detached.

She finishes with the scripture: Now to Him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before His glory without fault and with unspeakable joy, to the only wise God, our Savior, be glory and majesty, power and authority, now and ever. Amen."

Strength to my heart. Quiet to my soul. In my weakness, I asked the Lord to please just speak to me. Almost as soon as I asked, I yielded knowing He had not only spoken, but perfectly. I got up off the floor where I had been seated. I gathered my belongings for work. I did this as an act of agreement to move forward in trust.

And because He holds us when we would fall, my heart is content without what I want. I know He is with me. I know that He cares. He has a plan. And it's not about me. It is good. He IS worth it. It will be worth it... To the God of my life.

Her Name is...

darn HIPPA. There are many times that I would like to name my post simply the name of the woman I labored with. Coming alongside women during birth is such a privlege. To be allowed into such a special and difficult event, one of the most vulnerable of places in their lives. You can't help but leave being blessed and amazed at the strength of these women. It makes you just want to name the "story" of their birth after them. But, of course I can't do that. Thus the title. Anyhow...

Not long ago I met a couple at the birth center with a history of shorter active labors and it was their second baby. Her dilation told me we might have a while, but her history and demeanor told me things could pick up quickly. As her focus turned more into groans, I decided to sit by her and her husband near the tub. She was in the tub on her side with the jets on. He was kneeling beside her. I was sitting on the stool near the tub. Her contractions were getting stronger and more difficult. Even still, she did not lose her humor. I do enjoy humor during birth.

Mom: Teeth gritted during pushing: II'MMM NEEEVER DOING THIS AGAAIIINN! (We smile). Matter of factly, she says "No, I'm really not ever doing this again. I'm not just saying that cause it hurts. We already decided."

Previously, I had asked her if she needed to empty her bladder and she had said she wasn't sure. I reminded her it would be a good thing to do in the next little bit as an empty bladder is important before pushing. I told her she could go in the tub or get out and go to the toilet. Fifteen minutes later, she informed me that she just peed.

Me: It's okay. Urine is sterile in the absence of infection.

Dad: Oh, that's a good thing for our son.

Mom: Yeah, he likes to drink the bath water.

Me: That's why God made urine sterile (We all laugh)... For little boys (smile).

Building intensity. Then, pushing begins. She thought it would be easier this time. She tells herself she can do it. "You ARE doing it... She's gonna be worth it." Yeah, she's gonna be worth it. A little bit over an hour later a beautiful baby girl born on the bed. Another new life welcomed into the world. The Lord bless you, little one. You are loved.

The Best Job in the World

I often hear that I have the best job in the world. I think so. Actually, I think being a mother is the best job in the world although the toughest. But as far as paid jobs go, I have to agree I've got an amazing one. However, when people tell me this, I realize they don't know the half of what goes into it. Plus, we deal with our share of unhappy moments. In the past couple of weeks I have sent three women in for ultrasounds to rule out miscarriage. Two out of the three I had to confirm that they, in fact, were experiencing a loss. Instead of just sitting with them on the phone and comforting them, I had to then explain what to expect, when to call, and ask a few questions. It is not fun. I am grateful for the empathy the Lord has given me. Even still, I can't imagine what it must be like to lose a child especially when he or she is still inside of you. I often feel inadequate and continually remind myself that He is the One who called me (knowing just well that I have not experienced many of the things I handle on a daily basis). This is just one example of many challenges.

Decelerations. Infections. Premature rupture of membranes. Asynclitic babies during labor. Preeclampsia. Placenta previas. Postpartum hemorrhages. Posterior babies. Failure to progress. Difficult patients- I am whispering that one. Don't get me started with the medical profession. An emerging profession and all that goes with it (ex. why do you have to learn math to be a midwife?) And some things we just have to keep to ourselves. But, even still, yes. I have one of the best jobs in the world. It is an honor and I LOVE my job.

Stretching

Reach by reach, little by little I move my hands forward. Over my head. R-E-A-C-H. Hold. Back to where they came from. Now, moving onto my knees I hold one knee down and one knee up balancing my weight. Hold... hold... hold. There we go. Now switch. Steady. Holding. Now shifting my weight onto my side I raise one leg up and with arm following. Sound familiar?

Last week I was waiting at the birth center on a mother to see if she was in active labor, or if I would transfer her since her water would be broken too long (per law) before labor began. I had some time on my hands in between checking heart tones and maternal vital signs. I had already spent time guiding her, and she did not need help through the contractions yet. Feeling restless (I had been in the office all day seeing patients before she came in) and needing some wisdom for my decision, I went into one of the prenatal rooms so I could have time to myself. I prayed for a handful of people. It was good to pray. It is hard to worry when the mind is set on the Lord, remembering who He is and how good He is... how in control He is. Next, I did the above stretches that you taught me at the retreat.

The thing is I couldn't quite remember the way to do one of the stretches. It was the one I mentioned above where you rest your weight on your arms and place one knee down and the opposite arm reaching forward, then switch. Instead, I put my weight on both arms with both knees in the air and lifted one arm... or tried to. I struggled to keep my weight on one arm thinking this is HARD. Then, I realized I was doing it wrong and corrected myself. Holding my weight on two arms is so much easier than one. But I would not have realized how easy the exercise was if I had not tried it with one arm even though it was a mistake. The Holy Spirit reminded me that when we are placed in difficult positions in life the result is to strengthen us. We come out on the other side of the task with a new perspective and "stronger arms." I could definately relate this message to various situations in the past weeks. Nothing new, I realize. But, I needed to be reminded nonetheless.

I left that little room refreshed. I had peace about my decision, which was still to be determined depending on the circumstances. I had contentment even though I had been cooped up in the office all day and afternoon. And it was just good to move, you know? So, thanks for teaching me those stretches. And thank you, Holy Spirit, for teaching me how to be thankful:).

Dear Anne,

I do read your posts. I like them very much. I also comment on them every time. And, I enjoy it. However, your blog will not accept my posts. Since I do not read German, I cannot understand why it will not allow me to leave a comment. I doubt English is the answer. Maybe one day it will cooperate again. In the meantime, please know that I do read your blog and enjoy it very, very much! Please continue to write.

Your sister and number one fan,
Ash

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

We move toward the front of the crowd to be up close, to be near the action. I was glad to move forward. Suddenly it grows dark around us except for flashing blue and white lights. I started off glad to be there. People everywhere. Young. Old. Women. Men. And... noise. Noise all around. LOUD NOISE. I felt so near You all day and now that I am here I feel more alone. I can't quite seem to know You here. It is difficult to worship You. Distracted by the lights, the NOISE, the people all around. Still, I sing. I wait. I would leave if I could, but I can't. So, I wait... Whatever You want. Whenever You want. However You want. Your will be done. Finally, the noise becomes quiet. The people start to go back to where they came from. I get to go home. We leave and I am glad. It is quiet again. My heart rests again. Ah, back to normal. A new week begins.